Okay, so I wound up getting myself hospitalizied a couple of weeks ago,so I thought maybe I could watch a flick tonight from bed. The movie is called Stitches, and is about a killer clown. Ugh.
Anyway, the film begins with our "hero", Stitches the Clown, screwing a prostitute. Classy. I sure do know how to to pick them, huh? Luckily,it was followed by a funny sequence showing the clown getting drressed for work. Then we see Stitiches drive to a party, where he drunkenly tries a few minor magic tricks and gags. The birthday boy, though, has other plans, sneaking behind him on the floor, then tying his shoes together. As you might expect, this eventually causes the clown to trip.
The kids see him fall, then there's silence. They gather around him in the kitchen, and he eventually stands up again, but with a large knife protruding from his face. Ouch. They look at each other, then the kid gets a huge spray of blood to his face, and Stitches dies. Later, the young boy sees a group of clowns performing a ritual to bring the dead clown back to life, and they speak with scary, growly voices.
When he heads to breakfast the next morning, the teen thinks the food on his plate looks like a clown face, but it quickly vanishes. Oh, and the kid is on a drug called Hypnocil....wasn't that also the pill the teens in the Elm Street franchise were hooked on? Weird.
We finally also start to get some names straight. The main teen is Tom. There's also Sarah, Paul, and Mary. As they all take a test,Tom hallucinates that the instructor has become a clown, and someone gets castrated. Oh, and now Tom is having a party that weekend. After school, Tom climbs into a tiny treehouse to spy on a female neighbor that he happens to like. Her name is Kate. Tom invites her to his party as well, then sees another possible clown-scare down the hall. As a bully tries to question our hero about the party, Tom Realizes that the celebration is getting waaaay too out of hand.
The first group arrives, and they set up the house for the party. As more kids arrive, we also see that Stitches has begun to rise from his grave. We also see a clown make a few background appearances during the party, but no one else sees the clown or acknowledges him. Then another clown walks throught the front door, and chases Tom with a knife. Tom falls, hurting himself, and it turns out to be a prank by Kate's boyfriend. In the mayhem's aftermath, no one sees a second clown entering the party....
A fight breaks out, and a gay guy has words with a girl named Sarah. Then Tom decides to flee his own party, so Kate follows him. They talk alone for a time, and then Sarah sees the telescope pointed at her house. Then we see that our fake clown,Paul, is searching for a bathroom. He nearly has an encounter with the undead Stitiches, but they barely miss seeing each other. Tom tells Kate about the weird ritual he saw, and we see Stitches corner Paul. The killer attacks the teen, tearing his arm out of alignment, then tells him that he gets to watch the rest of the mayhem as a witness. Then he wrenches a rabbit out of the teen's mouth, decapitates him, and moves on.
While Kate and Mary have a catfight, Stitches removes his rubber nose, then commands it to find the teens responsible for his death. The nose rolls away, finds some of the teens, then Stitchses comes back to retrieve it.
As Tom watches from his treehouse, we see Stitches corner his next victim, Sarah. He opens an umbrella, popping one of her eyes out in the process. Then the nose goes on another search, but a cat brawls with it along the way. Oh, and Vinnie tries to convince some other teens that the killer is loose, but no one will listen.
The killer turns another teen's intestines into balloon animals, then goes after Vinnie next. He gets away, and Tommy convinces him to stay to rescue whoever's left. They work as a pair to search the house for teens.
One fat girl spots the killer outside the house, and her screams get the attention of the others. They all see the clown, and go nuts. Stitches sees Tom and Kate leave on bikes, and he follows them on a tricycle. Tom has this idea that, if it works, might stop the clown permanently. They arrive at the graveyard, then hide behind some of the graves while the clown tries to stalk them. Tom gets nervous, so Kate kisses him to calm down his breathing.
At the crypt, Tom must find and destroy an egg with Stitches' face on it...Trouble is, there are several eggs. Stitches arrives, and the teens battle the clown over his egg. After a brief scuffle, the clown falls on top of the egg by accident, crushing it. He immediately starts to fall apart like the egg, and is soon dead. Then we see a short final scene where another clown is busy rebuilding the egg, while Tom and Kate think that everything is fine. THE END
Well...it was...fast?And not too terrible, I guess.2 out of 5.
And what did I learn from Stitches?
-Clowns are Satanic.
-Hospitals make bad movie theatres.
-I may need to cut down on my egg consumption.
No clue what or when my next entry will be...playing this by ear.