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Saturday, March 17, 2012

Mind Hunters

Today's SAW sounds like it should be great....several recognizable stars, plenty of action, a director known for fun action films...what could possibly go wrong? Ladies and gentlemen, I answer that question with 2 simple words: Mind Hunters. Time to get SPOILED....

The first scene shows us a woman drowning and screaming. The water then becomes rain, which is running down the glass of a car window. A blond woman is sleeping in the car, as someone furtively approaches the vehicle. He runs his gloved hand over the frame of the car, then draws trails on her window with his finger. Luckily she wakes up at this point, and he(Christian Slater) cheerfully asks for a ride.

They're both in law enforcement. He was questioning an old couple about some missing girls, and she was searching for clues under her own eyelids. Clever, these two. As they go over the details of the case, they spot a remote house that they hadn't noticed before, and decide to check it out.

There's a brief but amusing bit where Slater's character starts imitating some bobblehead dolls out of sheer boredom. This time, the female investigator gets to ask questions. Yay. No one answers her knock at the door, but she finds some spray paint cans and a car that matches the vehicle of the suspect around the side of the house. Hmmmm....

She rushes back to her partner to report that they have the case nearly solved, then they both hear a bloodcurdling scream from the house. They call in for back-up, then decide to go in alone anyway. The female cop finds a room filled with the hanging corpses of many animals. Mostly dead cats, but I also spotted a horse head(bookend?...go watch Student Bodies to get that joke... :) ) and a dog or wolf ), and other animals in the room.

The Christian Slater character(why don't they have names at this point?) scares the willies out of his partner, then they hear more noises coming from further down the hall. They head down a staircase and find corpses in the basement. They also find evidence suggesting that the killer might have shot himself, just as another tall figure rushes in behind them. He raises a knife over his head and stabs the female cop in the shoulder, while the male cop tries to save her. She dies, the male cop dies, and the suspect also gets killed in the mayhem. Wait, was this a 5 minute film?

Then, after a momentary pause, things start to buzz, lights come up everywhere, and they all sit up. It was a roleplaying simulation. Sheesh. The killer tells them that he thought they would never arrive, then tells someone named Harris that he's hungry. It turns out that they're all Feds.

"Harris" refers to Jake Harris, played by Val Kilmer. He's in charge of the "mind hunters", a slang term for the F.B.I.'s profiler division. Both of the agents we met earlier were on a training exercise, and now have names: Sara and J.D., which makes this the second or third time a Christian Slater character has had that name in a movie. Weird. Is he going for some kind of world record?

Anyway, Harris lectures them about being more vigilant and aware of their surroundings, and tells Sara that the perimeter isn't secured until they're driving back home. Harris even goes a step further, listing all of the details about the second killer that they missed seeing. Then JD implies that roleplaying exercises are pointless.

Back at the FBI academy, Harris delivers some fun facts about killers: For example, most murders are committed by people that know their victims, and most murders that are not solved in 48 hours are often unsolved.

As he wraps up the class, Harris tells the young profilers that he's taking them to an island called Oneiga, where they will be tested as a team. As the class wraps up, Sara asks how she and JD could have possibly saved the "hostages" in their last training exercise. Harris responds that they couldn't have, the simulation was designed to get them used to failure.

That night, most of the trainees decide to go out drinking, before their big journey in the morning. At a nightclub, they make a game out of trying to profile various party goers. The first trainee, Bobby, makes up a story about an attractive blond at the bar, based on nothing more than her appearance and the items sticking out of her purse. Another trainee, Nicole, adds a detail about cigarettes, but the group votes her down, on the basis that she recently quit smoking, giving her some bias.

Then Bobby and a fellow student named Lucas place a bet over how long it would take to get the blond girl's phone number. As Bobby heads to the bar to make his move, the profiling game continues. A British student named Rafe sees a well-dressed man at the bar, and guesses that he's a hit with the ladies. This is disproved when the man's boyfriend arrives, and they kiss.

After the profilers finish laughing at how wrong Rafe was, and Bobby wins the bet, Lucas reveals that he paid the blond to go along with whatever Bobby said to her. Yet another trainee, Vince, is busy drawing on a napkin. He seems to be angry about the way Harris keeps putting them these roleplaying simulations, then he tells Sara that he saw a note in his file that implied that Harris wasn't going to pass him for the course. Vince also tells Sara that Harris failed her for the course. Whoops!

The next morning, the students find a helicopter waiting for them. Harris welcomes them, then introduces one more guest for the island: Detective Gabe Jenson, played by LL Cool J. He's a cop from Philly, not an agent, so his presence is somewhat of a mystery.

As the copter approaches the island, Harris reveals that Navy SEALS use it for training during the week, but that he gets to have access to the facility on the weekends. Harris then tells them all to prepare to be dropped out of the chopper on wires, but that it was a joke. Wow. Hilarious.

The island is set up to look like any American city, as long as it's a city from 1955. Harris refers to the mock city as Crimetown, USA. As he shows his students the layout of Crimetown, Harris also mentions that one more guest has to arrive: thew killer, known as The Puppeteer. He's "killed 2 people already in Crimetown, and there's soon to be a third victim. But he wants them to have the night to themselves first, then start their search in the morning. Oh, and he promotes JD as the team leader.

They decide to go looking for the living quarters, and pass by several enclosed tanks of water. Gabe asks what the Navy uses them for, and is told that the tanks help divers assimilate to Arctic temperatures. Then they find several rubber duckies left behind by the Navy. The ducks have nerdy glasses drawn on their faces, and are marked as "FBI". Boy, I sure hope I don't die from my sides splitting with laughter. Or boredom, from the complete lack of ANYTHING HAPPENING.

Inside, they are shown state-of-the-art computers and lab equipment to use during the weekend. Gabe asks Harris what the point of putting them on an island is, and Harris replies that, by being isolated, they'll be able to think like the killer. Then Harris abruptly leaves.

That evening, they prepare a huge feast, and generally just have a party. Rafe comes out of the elevator in a Hawaiian shirt, claiming that he was told to "dress for an island". Boy, those writers sure know a good joke when they see one. I just hope at least one they saw got into the script.

JD and the others try to ask Gabe about what he does as a cop but he clams up, so they decide to profile him instead. According to their observations, Gabe is a guy who has issues with his parents, difficulty with relationships, and a need for everything around him to be in order. Gabe replies that their analyses tell him more about each of them than vice versa. Fun group.

Later that night, Lucas finds Sara sitting out by the "duck pond", looking all glum. She warns him not to push her into the cold water, and he replies with some nonsense about feeding the ducks. When she reveals that she won't graduate with the rest of them, Lucas tells her that his parents were both killed when he was 10. He reveals that it hardened him, and he took up, smoking, drinking, fast cars, and even faster women. Then he ruins the moment by saying, "Then I turned 11..." Stop trying to be funny, movie. It's just getting sad now.

Anyway, his story about his parents had a point. You don't get over your worst fears, you just continue to face them head-on. Deep, man. Which fortune cookie was that in?

The scene ends, and we see someone inside moving through the dark hallways, as Christian Slater is showering. Great, our first nude scene, and it's Christian Slater. was this thing directed by David Decoteau, by any chance? No? Good, then let's move on.

JD hears or senses the person walking around and turns, but no one is behind him. As he starts to relax, sexy Nicole pops up on his other side, revealing that they have a discreet relationship going on. Oh, and then they start screwing like bunny rabbits after Easter. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but shower-sex always seems like it would more dangerous than sexy, what with all the soap and slippery porcelain. Now TUB SEX....that sounds like a fun time for everyone!

Where was I? Oh right....Mind Screwers. The next sequence showcases some of the characters displaying their own hangups...Bobby, for example, sees the light over his bed flickering and buzzing, and can't resist tinkering with it. And Rafe is seen bouncing a rubber ball into the wall over and over again, in an annoying way. Oh, and Gabe, who already seems pretty isolated from the others, is seen out by the dock, just standing around in the dark.

Oh, and here's another nitpick I have with this frigging movie: Cats. They're everywhere. I'm assuming that they're all stray, but it's a FUCKING ISLAND!!! What, did they all don little kitty swim trunks, or scuba wetsuits, or something equally dumb? Seriously, when you see cats shoe-horned into a movie like this, it only means one thing: there's going to be a stupid jump-scare, probably involving a cat leaping out of the shadows at someone. You know what? This movie is starting to make some of the clunkers I've seen look fairly decent.

The following morning, Sara sees a dead cat hanging in the shower, nearly scaring her to death. So wait, just to be clear: She failed to notice the thing when she entered the bathroom, and even started brushing her teeth before seeing a dead cat? I think this movie is giving me dain bramage, as punishment for trying to make any sense out of it at all.

The others hear her screaming, and they all rush in. Good thing she wasn't on the crapper! JD moves in for a closer look, and finds a broken watch in the mouth, with the time showing 10 o'clock.

They all ponder over what it means, and decide that it's their first clue. They also speculate that the watch could mean 1 or 2 things: It's either a sign that something will happen at 10, or the killer has a thing for watches and/or time itself.

They get dressed and head outside to begin exploring for more clues. JD tells them to split into pairs, and make some noise if anyone finds another clue. Bobby and Rafe are the first pair shown, and they head into the local coffee shop. Once inside, Rafe immediately plays around with a mannequin, calling it "Little Bobby", and proclaiming him to be an all-American. As Bobby tells Rafe that he is warped and should seek help, Rafe whispers to the mannequin that he doesn't need a shrink, but someone in the group definitely does. Interesting...

The next pair consists of JD and Lucas, who are exploring a mocked-up house. There's rotting food on the table, as well as worm-covered mannequins. Their scene abruptly grinds to a halt, and we next see Sara and Nicole as a team, then Vince and Gabe, who each seem to desire to be working as individuals. When Vince passes by a window, he sees another clue, and shouts for everyone to check out what he found.

It turns out that he found a crime scene. There's a dead woman(mannequin), bloody in several areas of her body, and with wires through all her limbs. I'm going to go ahead and boldly predict that this is the work of The Puppeteer.

They all come to the same conclusion, which leads me to believe that I should apply to be a profiler. JD starts describing the crime scene into a tape recorder, As each team member is assigned to a different task, a radio starts up, and begins blaring some kind of novelty song for kids. JD moves to turn off the annoying tune, and sets off a chain reaction: dominoes start toppling, wires get triggered, things turn on and get the idea.

The chain reaction ends with a tank of liquid nitrogen being turned on, turning JD into a cop-sicle. As the others watch in horror, he dies pretty much instantly. Of course, everyone freaks out, and accusations are thrown in every direction.

They bring JD's body back to the lab, and discover that someone has been there, and has left them 2 new clues. One is a book, the other is another broken watch, with the time reading a half hour from the current time. Plenty spooked, they rush to the boat to leave the island.

As they get onto the dock, the boat explodes. Sara is unlucky enough to be thrown into the water by the blast, and she goes into some kind of catatonic shock. Lucas dives in after her, and pulls Sara out, resisting all offers to help.

Back on dry land, Gabe lets his cop instincts kick in, and starts to question them all about Harris. While they all agree that his simulations and tests are pretty kooky, they also have a hard time believing that he would actively try to kill them.

As Gabe continues to push his theory, Vince "pulls a gun out of his ass". as one character puts it. Vince tells them that he carries his weapon at all times, especially since being confined to a wheelchair.

They head back to the main building, and break out some infrared goggles to scan the island. Meanwhile, Sara stays behind to stitch up some of the wounds Lucas received, because he was the closest to the bomb when it went off.

That evening, everyone except Lucas has gathered to share their theories about who wants them dead. The chat quickly becomes heated, as everyone seems to be accusing everyone else of murder. They all whip out their guns, then Lucas runs in, holding a bunch of papers.

The papers turn out to belong to Gabe. Not only does he have maps of the entire island, but he also has dossiers on each and every member of the team. As Gabe tries to explain himself, Lucas points his gun at Gabe's face, and a few of the other guns begin to point at both of the men.

Gabe stands up, then crashes to the floor. One by one, the others do the same, even Lucas. Apparently, the coffee was tainted with a strong sedative...but how did it affect Lucas, if he was searching rooms while the rest were drinking the stuff? Hmmm.....

They wake up many hours later, groggy and back in the mode where they all bicker like old ladies and accuse each other of doing stuff. Well, everyone except Rafe, who still seems to be passed out. As they sit him up, his head stays on the table, but his body continues the trip. Yup, the British goofball was decapitated. Oh, and completely drained of most of his blood.

That leads into the group suddenly noticing a series of numbers on the wall, written in what is probably Rafe's blood. Also, there are 2 watches left behind this time, implying that 2 people are soon to die. Now THIS is starting to shape up to feel like a good slasher flick!

Still wary of Gabe, they bring him into a bathroom, and cuff him to a toilet, near the floor. While they question him, Gabe confesses that he's not really a cop from Philly, but actually an agent with the Department of Justice. He claims that he was given the cop identity as a cover, and sent to investigate claims that Harris was a loose cannon with his training methods.

Obviously, they have a hard time buying his story. Lucas decides that they should look for the next trap, since it's set to go off in 15 minutes. He leaves Vince in charge of guarding Gabe, and both men just sit and glare at each other.

Sara and Bobby are left to examine the numbers and figure out what they represent, while Nicole and Lucas head out to look around the fake town some more. This leads to a montage, showing everyone tearing apart the town to look for anything out of place. Light fixtures, cigarette machines, stored food items....nothing goes unnoticed.

Then we go back to the stupid numbers. Sara theorizes that they could represent a measurement of something, but everyone else draws a blank. Then it hits her: since the killer is obsessed with time, the numbers must have something to do with time. They examine the numbers again, and Bobby announces that one set of numbers seems to be the speed of light.

Being the kind of dumbasses who know that the killer likes to set elaborate traps, they conclude that they should switch off the lights. Again, dumbasses, with a capital DUH. Turning off the light reveals nothing at first glance, so they use one of those UV light-thingies to see if anything glows in the dark.

Bingo! On their backs the killer has painted letters. The team has trouble making any sense out of it, perhaps because they never thought to check to see if Gabe or Vince had any letters written on them. If I were Harris, I'd flunk 'em all at this point.

Anyway, this whole scene is pretty much pointless. Thus, we head back to check in on Gabe and Vince. They both hear a noise down the hall, so Vince draws his gun and decides to check it out. Good for him.

He sees 2 of the light fixtures begin to spark, then both fall toward the ground, dangling on their cords. At the same time, a water pipe bursts, and the floor quickly becomes electrified. Vince manages to grab an overhead pipe and hoist himself out of the wheelchair, just as the water reaches his location. Good thinking, except that now he's dangling right over the water, with no easy escape route.

Gabe asks Vince to throw him a gun, and points out that Vince and he are both likely to die if he doesn't do it. After a brief dispute, Vince gives in. He tosses his gun to Gabe, who shoots the chain on the handcuffs, then shimmies along a ceiling pipe to the doorway. So far, so good.

In the doorway, he aims the gun in the direction of Vince, but ends up shooting evenly placed holes in a nearby wall. Using these newly created holes for his hands and feet, Gabe starts to make his way over to Vince, like a rock-climber. By this time, the others have heard the gunshots, and are on their way as well.

Gabe slips a bit here and there, but gets close to a fusebox. Vince, for the most part, is slowly slipping from the pipe he's been holding on to for dear life. The group upstairs finally get to the basement, just as Gabe finds the power and shuts it off. He and Vince both fall onto the wet floor, unharmed. Then Gabe and Lucas have a brief staring contest, and exchange a few less-than-friendly words.

With everyone safe once more, Bobby sees how it was all rigged together. As he reaches the mechanism to switch off the water and explain how it works, he triggers another trap. A steel-tipped arrow flies at Bobby, going right into his neck.

Lucas moves forward to examine the body, then becomes enraged. He turns to the group, daring any one of them to try to kill him next. Nicole speaks up, claiming that Lucas had earlier announced that he shut off the water supply. He counters with an accusation that it was her who neglected to do the task.

Anyway, everyone goes back to the lab to decipher the letters. With all of the letters now in front of them, they all take a stab at guessing what the message could be. Vince finally announces that it spells "CROATOAN", a word that was found after an early American settlemernt on Roanoke Island mysteriously vanished. Okay, time for another rant.

Vince has to explain that story to the entire group? With the exception the British guy and possibly Nicole, the rest should know the story. It's basic US History 101. Gabe even declares that he's troubled that Vince would know the story, as if it's some deeply covered-up incident or something. Which it's not.

The basic legend, for those of you who have never taken a 3rd grade US history class, is simple: A group of settlers formed a colony on Roanoake Island, and a small contingency went back to England for more supplies. When they returned, the entire colony had vanished, some even leaving uneasten plates of food out, implying that their disappearance was almost instantaneous. The only clue was the word CROATOAN carved into a nearby tree.

Anyway, this legend about mass disappearances has no bearing on anything else in the friggin' movie, so forget the last couple of scenes. I already have. Instead, the investigators break open a bunch of evidence kits, and start playing CSI....Crude, Stupid Investigation. Then we get one of those pointless "evidence collecting" montages that are in every single episode of CSI. Think it's dull to watch actors dust for print and tap keyboards on television? Try watching the same thing in a movie.

Anyway, the montage finally thuds to a halt, and the Inspector Clouseau Squad decides to get blood samples from everyone, to try to match some dried blood that was discovered under a corpse's fingernail. That gives us a "blood sample" montage! Okay, so every time they pad this movie with a montage sequence, drink some Red Bull. If your heart hasn't exploded by the end of the movie, congrats!

So they sit around while the blood samples are analyzed by the computer. Nicole whines about wanting a cigarette, then Gabe and Lucas decide to throw more accusations at each other. Can't we all just get along??? As the test is finishing up, everyone puts their gun on the table. Even Vince has his taken away. When the results come back, the fingernail sample turns out to belong to...


Yup, Sara.

The others all snatch up their guns again, and Sara is forced to lay on the ground. She insists that the killer is someone else, and Lucas questions what her motive would be for murder. Vince reveals that she wasn't going to graduate, and the others all decide that she decided to kill out of a need for vengeance.

Lucas keeps insisting that she couldn't be the killer, and Vince continues to goad her with the gruesome details about the murder of her sister(which supposedly warped her into killing, I guess). Gabe puts an end to it by having her brought to a secure room for an interrogation, as the rest look for the next trap. Seriously, Sara can't be the killer. The killer is supposed to be some kind of genius, and I can barely picture Sara chewing her own food without assistance of some kind.

Gabe asks Sara about the next trap, but she keeps insisting that she doesn't know anything. THAT I believe! Nicole rushes at her and delivers a nice, melodramatic slap across the face, and Sara accuses her of being the killer.

Nicole grabs a gun, and announces that she's going somewhere to get away from the group. After she makes her kooky exit, Gabe tries to question Sara again. He points out that that the FBI does rigorous screenings to weed out potential nutcases from training, then wonders if her specialized skill is fooling everyone into thinking that she's sane.

Sara suddenly has a flash of inspiration, based on what Gabe said. She realizes that each team member has a specific personality trait, and that each victim died as a resulkt of that trait. JD, for instance, was always the leader-type, and was killed simply because he was in front of the others at the first staged crime scene. Bobby's death came about because he always had to tinker with and fix things. Rafe supposedly died because of his weakness for coffee(although since they all got knocked out in that scene, the logic is a little iffy.), and so on.

As you might expect, this scene ends abruptly, just as we're finally learning something about the killer. We see Nicole next, getting frustrated at a vending machine. She sees a pack of cigarettes that apparently fell out of a vending machine, and decides to grab them.

Sara and the others all list their various strengths and weaknesses, and Sara suddenly realizes how Nicole is about to be killed. We see Nicole light up a cigarette. She takes a puff or two on it, then it burns up rapidly, causing her to gasp in pain and drop the cigarette on the ground.

As Nicole stares down at the cigarette, she also sees that the burn caused her hand to bleed. When she puts her finger to her lips, she sees that they are also bleeding. The others find her, but now her face is bleeding, and smoke is coming out through her neck as the corrosive substance in the cigarette burns through her lungs and flesh.

After witnessing Nicole's painful death, the last few survivors return to the lab. They all start to accuse each other of being the killer, then the intercom system kicks on. After some feedback, they all hear Harris asking, "Are you having fun?"

That sends the four of them into an uproar. The handcuffs are removed from Sara's wrists, and they devise a plan to split up, to try to find Harris before he finds them. Gabe, being a total dick, handcuffs Vince's wheelchair to a desk. Before she leaves the lab, Sara tells Vince to find a remote place to hide, and to not reveal it to her. Then she also leaves. Oh, and to cap it all off, Sara gave Vince an empty gun. Y'know, just for this scene, I hope he ends up as the only survivor.

Harris continues to tease them, but just keeps saying the same stuff over and over again. Then we see Vince crawling along the floor, until he reaches the freezer where the previous victims are being stored. He manages to get it open, and crawls in to hide at the far end of the tiny enclosed space.

He finds Rafe's body, and takes his gun. Instead of just using the other man's gun though, Vince removes the ammo clip and pops it into his own gun. Geez, talk about doing things the hard way! Just use another guy's's not like he needs it back! Plus all that stupid fiddling with the guns gave the door time to swing shut, effectively trapping Vince in the freezer.

Gabe, Sara and Lucas all apparently decided to stay together, which makes them even bigger a-holes for leaving Vince behind. I hope the stray cats eat 'em all. They walk into the diner where The Puppeteer's first victim was found, and Harris seems to be getting louder. They somehow discover a large trapdoor in the floor, and it seems that the voice is coming from the room within.

They find Harris, and he's waaaay past dead. He's been hung up just like the first "puppet", and he was apparently recorded by the killer before he died. That explains all of the repetition, as the recording must be on a loop.

As they approach the body, they see a videotape playing the last words of Agent Harris. Right behind him, you can clearly see Lucas watching him. D'oh! I think we just cracked the case, Columbo!

Another dumb novelty song starts up, and Harris begins to "dance", as the wires holding him up pull on his limbs. They shoot the player to shut down the music, then Gabe and Lucas aim their guns at one another. As they try to psyche each other out with about a hundred cop movie cliches, the lights go out.

All three of them rush outside, then have the silliest shootout in movie history. The blow away mannequins, street signs, car name it, these 3 shot at it, thinking it was a person. Apparently, gun owners don't need to have a high IQ to carry firearms.

Lucas shouts a warning to Sara, and Gabe implies that what he said made no sense. After several more inanimate objects are needlessy slaughtered, Sara screams at the 2 men to stop shooting. They do, but when Lucas steps out of hiding, Gabe fires a round into his chest.

Gabe walks past Sara's hiding place(under a car), and stands over Lucas, who is struggling to breath. Gabe says something like, "That's the price you pay for being fearless," then watches Lucas take a final gasp.

Gabe then remembers Sara. He turns around, calls her name in a creepy singsong voice, and begins to hunt her down. He sees a bus nearby, and enters it to search through the mannequins. He spots her jacket, but she placed it over a dummy to create a diversion, while she took off back toward the lab building.

Speaking of that building, Vince is still in the freezer. He has managed to push Rafe off of the metal table he was resting on, and Vince has hoisted himself up on that same table. Using the butt of his gun, he manages to hit the lever for the freezer door, and it swings open again. Yay for the smart guy everyone abandoned!

He crawls through the hallway, stopping every so often to listen for signs that the killer might be around. Then Vince makes his way to the elevator, which apparently works even in a power outage. He drags himself into the elevator, then goes down to the basement level. Nope, nothing there.

He then crawls back into the elevator, but the door remains open. As Vince waits for it to close, he hears someone approaching, then sees their shadow looming on the wall. As the elevator door starts to slide shut, Vince fires his gun. The gun jams, and the chamber mechanism flies backwards, going through his face. Farewell, Vince.

Sara finds Vince, and then Gabe scares the ever-loving crap out of her(and me)! They once again try to out-psyche each other. When that proves to be pointless, Gabe just lifts her and throws her through some glass. He then starts whaling on her, until Lucas leaps out of the dark to whack him with a cane or stick. Turns out he was wearing a kevlar vest.

They crash through every door and window imaginable, before Gabe finally gets the stuffing knocked out of him. Lucas limps his way back to Sara, who immediately begins to treat his various wounds.

As she applies first aid, Sara tells Lucas that she tricked the killer. she went through the building and moved all of the clocks back by 15 minutes, just to see if he would notice and change them back. Lucas asks her how they can ever prove that it was Gabe, and she reveals that she covered the clocks in the same luminescent substance the killer used to leave them the letters earlier.

She lifts one of Gabe's hand, and runs the UV light over it, but there's no glow. Nothing on the other hand either. Puzzled, Sara backs away from the unconscious man, and sees one of Lucas' hands glowing.

He tells her that the story about his parents was true, but that he killed them. When he got away with it, he decided to continue killing, making the deaths more and more elaborate. When he made the choice to join the FBI, he saw an opportunity to study his classmates, learn their weaknesses, then kill them with their weaknesses as the catalyst.

Sara tumbles down some stairs to escape, and there's a brief chase. Lucas catches her, of course, then throws her into the pool that was used by the Navy. They fire guns at each other underwater, and the chase resumes. As they both swim back to the surface, Lucas gets the idea to hold his gun out of the water, and wait for Sara to come up for air. She does the same, and they wait. Apparently the guns are waterproof now.

Lucas resurfaces first, and fires a shot at where Sara should be. But she stayed underwater, and while Lucas's bullet misses, she gets a hit on him.. The both scurry to exit the pool, only to have yet another face-off, which would make another good drinking game for this movie: Drink whenever they have a montage. Drink whenever someone draws a gun on someone else. Drink whenever the movie attempts to have a sense of humor. We'd all be dead, or in comas.

Anyway, Lucas tells Sara that he worked meticulously to pin the murders on her. Blood and hair samples, using her gun to match ballistics, her fingerprints left at very crime scene. Then they see a watch get thrown in their vicinity.

It;s Gabe! Somehow he survived, and decided to rescue Sara instead of murdering her. He fires a bullet into Lucas's forehead, and they watch the killer die. Then they get rescued, and Sara hopes that she'll someday still get to be a profiler. THE END

Wow, I haven't seen so many good actors in such a bad film together since, I don't know, the Nightmare On Elm Street remake? The Prom Night remake? What a waste of a potentially interesting idea. Horrible. 1 killer tree, just for at least having a few good actors in it.

And what did Mind Hunters teach me?

-Well, if you have a dominant personality quirk, expect a serial killer to come after you.

-Best place to conceal a weapon? Your ass.

-Cats love to swim.

My next film is a slasher called Uncle Sam, about a disgruntled soldier zombie. It sounds like a John McCain biography. See you!