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Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Sorority

Well, the latest slasher flick to cross my path is The Sorority, and "wow". Just "wow". My laptop's DVD player didn't even want to load it up. I shoulda taken that as a sign from God. This was bad, man. Reeeeeeeeeeeeal bad. And only about 5 minutes long.

Filmed on what looks like someone's cell phone (this is one SERIOUSLY filmy, gauzy image...did they film it through a box of tissues?), this monstrosity makes Troma films look epic in their grandeur. We open on a law enforcement standoff or raid, I dunno. Everyone looks like they're playing "Cops & Robbers". They find a charred corpse, and we get the opening credits that look like they were done on a Windows 95 movie making program. After that, we open on a scene where a woman is stumbling around the Temple of Doom. We even get to see 2 cult members in CVS-budget Halloween robes at an altar. There's some silly cartoony lightning, and the pair of figures reveal that they're both somewhat-attractive-in-a-bad-porno-kinda way. The woman we saw earlier takes out a switchblade and cuts loose another girl who was some kind of sacrifice, I'm assuming.

After making the laziest attempt at an escape EVER, they just sort of stop so that the "victim" can reveal that they all duped the rescuer, so that SHE could be captured instead. Riiiiiiiight. Anyway, the screen turned yellow, then blue, then crapped out on me. I tried the Windows Media Player, the Interactual DVD player, a Quicktime Player, and 1 or 2 other freeware DVD players before finally giving up. Zero trees, just for wasting my time. If anyone out there has ever actually seen this, let me know what I missed, will ya?

I re-configured my Netflix queue so that I don't have to worry if I get a random dud DVD every now and then. So, my next SAW should be The Forest, barring any glitches. If not, I have 3 other immediately following it on my list: The Watcher, Season of the Hunted, and Gutterballs. We'll play it by ear, mmmmm'kay?

Stay tuned!